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  Tanya discovered she was holding her breath. Very quietly she expelled it as she gently removed her hands from John’s shoulders. The room was so still a feather could have been heard landing on the carpet. Finally John released the door knob and walked slowly towards Jake, stopping when he was directly in front of him to tilt his head back and look up at Jake.

  ‘Will I be as tall as you are when I grow up?’ he asked seriously.

  Jake smiled, a slow smile that transformed his carved features into an expression of unbelievable tenderness. He kneeled down to be at eye level with the boy.

  ‘You might even be taller,’ he answered just as seriously.

  There was another period of silence, but without the tension of the first. Tanya watched the pair knowing they had completely forgotten she was there in the room. They were so close together, yet not speaking or touching. One was standing, his gaze questing and exploring the face of the stranger who was his father, and the other kneeling with a confident and understanding expression. ‘Have you had breakfast yet?’ Jake finally asked.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Neither have I. Why don’t you run and ask your grandmother to put another plate on the table and we’ll eat together?’

  John nodded a quick agreement and turned to leave, then stopped and turned back to the still kneeling man. An adultlike frown creased his forehead.

  ‘I’m glad you came home Dad,’ he announced firmly, then spun around and dashed from the room.

  Jake slowly straightened to his feet. Eyes as calm as a summer sky met her tawny gaze.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Tanya murmured helplessly, clutching her robe tighter about her throat.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘John’s welcome wasn’t exactly enthusiastic, I —’ She stared down at the carpet. ‘I’m afraid he doesn’t know you very well.’

  ‘Did you expect him to throw himself in my arms? I would have been disappointed if he had.’ He met her startled glance blandly. ‘I’m a stranger to him. I wouldn’t want him to give me his trust and affection simply because he’s been told that I’m his father. It’s a much more precious gift if it’s earned.’

  Tanya sighed. ‘I suppose you’re right.’ Her fingers raked through her tousled hair. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she was ultimately to blame for the cleft between father and son. She didn’t hear the catlike steps that brought Jake nearer to her.

  ‘Give him time to get to know me, Tanya.’

  Her pulse raced in agitation as she realized how close he was to her.

  ‘Have you thought any more about our discussion last night? A friendly truce would be the best thing for John.’

  From the corner of her eye, Tanya could see the even movement of his bare chest calmly breathing in and out. Part of her mind couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying because of the potency of his animal attraction.

  Her voice was a hoarse whisper when she did reply. ‘We can never be friends, Jake.’ She dredged up the strength to look warily into his face and saw the tightening of his jaw at her adamant stand.

  ‘I never said we could be friends,’ he corrected sharply. ‘In fact, I would be the first to admit that it’s practically an impossibility. All I want to do is get rid of this damned hostile atmosphere that we’re both guilty of fostering.’

  ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know,’ Tanya asserted with a shake of her head, her eyes looking everywhere except at the man standing beside her. His semi-nakedness was evoking a primitive response on her senses, making her too vulnerable to his harsh persuasion.

  She expected storm clouds to descend at her indecisive answer. She wasn’t prepared for the sudden softening of his tone, like the caress of velvet over her skin.

  ‘Is a peaceful co-existence so much to ask?’ His hands reached out to grasp the upper portion of her arms.

  The thinness of her chiffon robe couldn’t ward off the scorching fire of his touch, nor could her senses fight the desire to be drawn against the muscular strength of his chest. Tanya closed her eyes tightly and cringed to elude his hold, her hands raising upwards to protect herself from any further advances.

  ‘Don’t touch me!’ she gasped, her voice trembling violently at the traitorous response of her body. ‘I can’t stand it!’

  Her eyelids fluttered open to see the fists clenched rigidly at his side while the polar temperature of his gaze froze the expression of pain in her eyes.

  ‘How did I ever marry a frigid little piece of baggage like you?’ Jake sneered with a mixture of contempt and self-contempt. His eyes mercilessly raked her from head to bare toe. ‘You have the wrappings of a beautifully passionate woman, but there’s nothing inside except ice!’

  ‘No!’ Her pride protested, unable to let his scathing words stand without a denial, knowing full well her problem was she was too susceptible to a man’s attention. ‘That’s not true!’

  His face took on a cold, seductive quality that chilled even as it attracted. ‘I’m from Missouri. You’re going to have to show me.’ His softly spoken jeer carried an unmistakable invitation to come in to his arms to prove her claim.

  Her breath caught in her throat even as Tanya swayed closer to him, drawn by an irresistible magnetic force. His glittering gaze held her captive, pulling her nearer when every instinct cried for her to flee. As his warm breath fanned her cheeks, her glance flitted to the sensual line of his lips. Her own ached to feel his possess hers, to inflame the desires she had kept banked for so long. At the last second, Tanya knew she couldn’t let Jake discover her dangerous vulnerability to a man’s caress.

  He must have sensed the beginnings of her withdrawal and reached out to fold her in his arms, the blue fire in his eyes dwelling on the parting softness of her mouth. ‘Don’t chicken out now, honey,’ he chided softly.

  There was a rush of footsteps in the hall before John came to a halt in the open doorway, his eyes opened wide at the seemingly embracing couple. He blinked twice before stammering out his message.

  ‘Grandmother says … your breakfast i … i … is ready.’

  Jake smiled down at Tanya’s lowered head, silently and humourlessly laughing at her rigid arms that were uselessly trying to push him away. ‘Don’t worry,’ he whispered scornfully in her ear, ‘you’ve been saved.’ As he relaxed the steel band of his arms that had held her, he directed his son, ’I’ll be right there.’

  John shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, unsure whether he was supposed to stay or go. Tanya’s feet were rooted to the floor as an embarrassing wave of shame and humiliation washed over her. But Jake was very calmly putting on a shirt, buttoning it and tucking it into the waistband of his trousers, not the least bit shaken as Tanya was over what almost occurred. Before he left the room with his son, he walked over to her and raised her chin to gaze into her tear-blurred eyes with complacent satisfaction.

  ‘You did try, Tanya. Maybe next time,’ he murmured.

  ‘There won’t be a next time,’ she retorted.

  He merely raised an eyebrow, a mocking gesture that indicated more plainly than words his disbelief, then he released her and turned away.

  ‘Are you ready, John?’ his bland voice asked.

  ‘Are you coming, Mom?’

  ‘No,’ Tanya quickly swallowed the rising sob of panic, adding more calmly, ‘I have to get dressed yet. You go ahead with your father.’

  She brushed a hand over her cheek, wiping away a tear that had fallen from her damp lashes. A small hand touched her arm.

  ‘Are you all right, Mom?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine.’ But the weak smile she gave him wasn’t reassuring.

  ‘Why are you crying?’ John darted an accusing look at Jake standing in watchful silence at the door, his features deliberately unrevealing.

  One word. That was all it would take, and Tanya knew John would turn against his father. One spiteful word and she could destroy the tenuous thread of their relationship. For a moment there was a glitter of vengeance in the gold-flecks of
her eyes. How simple it would be to pay Jake back for every wrong she believed he had done. She glanced towards Jake, seeing the hardness in the blue depths of his eyes that knew the power she had over his son’s love.

  ‘I’m crying —’ Tanya took a deep breath and looked down into the thin, apprehensive face, ‘I’m crying because I’m happy, John. Because your father has finally come home.’

  There was a hint of uncertainty in his face before it was wiped away with a large smile. His perception was still that of a child’s and he couldn’t see the defeat dulling her eyes.

  ‘So am I, Mom,’ he agreed.

  ‘Your breakfast is getting cold,’ she reminded him. The hand that touched his cheek affectionately was trembling. ‘Run along before your grandmother sends out a search party.’

  ‘Come on, Dad,’ John called, waving to Jake to follow him as he hurried past.

  But Jake was looking at Tanya. Her sense of fair play had brought her figuratively to her knees, but it hadn’t bowed her head. He studied her for a minute more before he turned to catch up with the small boy. Tanya wondered if Jake realized she had just declared him the victor before the battle had begun. But not all the spoils of war would be his. At all costs she must ensure against that.

  THE DAYS FOLLOWING Jake’s return fell into a pattern. The daylight hours when John was in school Jake spent with his father, going into the company office in Springfield or staying at their lake-front home. Late afternoons and early evenings were devoted to John. Sometimes they went fishing or played ball or, if spring rains forced them inside, they watched television together or played draughts.

  The late evening hours, the ones Tanya dreaded most, had been entirely in the company of his parents. Only for odd moments were they alone and Jake had allowed her to keep the conversation on a safe topic. But she had the feeling that he was only biding his time, waiting for his own moment to force an agreement out of her. She shuddered to think what the consequences might be if she should consent to a trial period for them to get to know one another. Tanya wanted to spend no more time alone with him than she had to in order to maintain an outward appearance of peace to his parents. And her pride wouldn’t let her bolt every time he stepped into a room where she was.

  Today — Saturday — Jake had taken John boating. Tanya had been able to exclude herself from the excursion because of a previous commitment to help with a sale of work held by the women’s organization of their church. Each woman had volunteered for a three-hour shift and hers was about over. She scanned the small crowd for a glimpse of her mother-in-law who should be arriving to take her home.

  Instead Tanya saw a tall, dark-haired man weaving his way towards her. With a start of guilt she realized she hadn’t given Patrick Raines a single thought since that first night when Jake returned. Looking at the dark curling hair with its silver wings at the temple and the strong, handsome face, she felt the familiar feeling of warmth encompass her as it did every time she saw him.

  ‘Patrick, what are you doing here?’ Her cheerful smile was completely natural and not the least bit forced.

  ‘I was out at the house with your father-in-law. Julia was getting ready to leave just as I was, so I volunteered to come in her place,’ he explained. ‘Are you ready to leave?’

  Tanya said her goodbyes to her replacement at the cake-laden counter and walked with Patrick to his car. He flashed her a warm smile as he opened the door for her, then walked around to the driver’s side.

  ‘I’ve missed you,’ Patrick said simply as he slipped the car into gear and reversed out of the parking lot.

  ‘It seems much longer than last week since I saw you,’ Tanya answered truthfully, tilting her head back to feel the refreshing breeze blowing in from the car window.

  ‘I wasn’t sure I would be welcomed if I came. I know Jake wouldn’t be glad to see me,’ he laughed without amusement. ‘And I couldn’t help wondering if his return had changed your thinking as well.’

  He tossed her a questing look that Tanya was oddly reluctant to meet. It was funny how before last week when the silence had been broken and the first tentative words had been spoken, she had imagined them meeting like this, stealing a few minutes alone. Now she found herself uncomfortable and unwilling to bite into the forbidden fruit.

  ‘You know you’re always welcome as far as I’m concerned,’ she managed to answer with an air of unconcern that ignored the deeper meaning of his question.

  ‘Why did he have to come back?’ Patrick muttered, his strong fingers closing over the wheel in a death grip. ‘You’re already withdrawing from me. I recognize the coolness in your voice. I’ve heard it too many times at parties when someone has got overly friendly and you wanted to put them in their place. I thought you felt something for me.’

  With a stab of guilt she knew she had let him believe she did. In truth, she was drawn to him, but too afraid of the consequences.

  ‘I do … that is, I could,’ she corrected quickly. Her words threatened to tumble over themselves in a rush to get out. She determinedly breathed in deeply to gain control. ‘I have more than just myself to think about, Patrick.’

  ‘You mean John. Well, you can’t honestly say that Jake has been much of a father to the boy,’ he grumbled.

  ‘That’s as much my fault as it is Jake’s.’

  ‘I find that hard to believe,’ he sighed. ‘Do you believe in love at first sight?’

  ‘No!’ The violence of her answer surprised her until she remembered how completely she had been taken in by Jake’s charm so many years ago, before he had so unutterably destroyed her illusions about life and love. ’No, I don’t,’ she repeated more calmly.

  ‘In a way, I believe in it.’ His dark eyes roamed over her perfect features. ‘I was still married the first few times I remember seeing you. Even then I found you attractive. I kept growing more curious about you, about why you and the Lassiters maintained this air of a perfect marriage between you and Jake, and yet you still never visited him and he never came to see you. I found myself growing jealous that you might have a lover on the side. I couldn’t figure out why until I realized that I wanted to be that man. That’s when I began to see that shimmer of loneliness in your eyes. You are lonely, aren’t you, Tanya? That self-possession is just a front, isn’t it?’

  ‘Everyone is a little bit lonely,’ was as much as she could admit before tilting her head back proudly to show it didn’t matter.

  ‘You don’t have any family, do you? I want to know everything about you,’ Patrick asserted with grim determination. ‘Were you an orphan?’

  ‘Not really. My parents were killed when I was nineteen. I was already out on my own by then supporting myself,’ she answered calmly.

  ‘No brothers or sisters?’

  ‘I had a younger sister,’ Tanya stared out the window. ‘She died of pneumonia a few months after we lost our parents.’

  ‘You were about nineteen when you married Jake, weren’t you?’ But Patrick didn’t look to her for confirmation. ‘That must have been a rough time for you. I can see how you could have wept on the first shoulder offered. That’s a blow anyone would have trouble handling. What happened, darling? Did you fall in love with love and only realize when it was too late that it was a mistake?’

  The sympathy in his voice cried out to her. She very nearly unleashed the whole story to him with every sordid detail, but somehow she held back.

  ‘Yes, it was something like that,’ she agreed.

  ‘Sometimes it’s a mistake to try to hold a marriage together for the sake of a child, which is what you’re trying to do. Have you ever asked Jake for a divorce?’

  ‘We’ve discussed the possibility.’

  ‘I’m —’ Patrick began.

  ‘Please, let’s change the subject,’ Tanya interrupted, the beginnings of a headache pounding in her temples.

  ‘I’ll be glad to drop the subject,’ sighed Patrick, giving her a look that was passionate and grimly stubborn, ‘if you’ll tel
l me where I stand.’

  They had already turned off the main highway on to the road leading to the Lassiter home. Patrick slowed the car down and parked on a layby in the road overlooking Table Rock Lake.

  ‘Well, Tanya?’ he repeated.

  ‘I don’t know.’ She pushed her long tawny hair behind her ears and stared at the mirror-like body of water reflecting the surrounding hills in the afternoon sun. White clouds danced gracefully in the blue sky. ‘I haven’t had time to think.’

  ‘I’m a man, Tanya. Now that I’ve touched you, I can’t be content to gaze at you from afar.’

  He was close beside her when he made the last statement, his hand on her shoulder slowly turning her towards him. His words were so nearly the same as the ones Jake had said that Tanya wanted to laugh hysterically. Only when she looked into Patrick’s eyes, it wasn’t so funny.

  Without a protest she allowed him to draw her against his chest, hoping in the contradictory turmoil of her emotions to find solace there. But her uncertainty only seemed to be intensified. The lips that touched her hair and moved down to brush her eyelashes produced a warm sensation, yet not nearly as soul-destroying as Jake’s caress.

  ‘I’m not the kind of man to beg,’ he murmured against her cheek. ‘But I want you, Tanya.’

  She moaned a protesting ’no’ as his mouth moved to cover hers and his arms tightened when she tried to pull away. All emotion drained away as she lay passively in his embrace, knowing that subtly she had invited this advance and finding she didn’t really want it. Yet her lack of response didn’t discourage Patrick. There was still an ardent fire in his dark brown, nearly black eyes when he released her and shifted back to his own side of the car.

  ‘Now do you understand the way I feel about you?’ he asked, his breathing ragged and uneven. ‘I don’t want a hole-and-corner affair any more than you do. I understand how you feel about your son and I respect you for it. You want him to have a good home, a decent education, and a future. The Lassiters can give him all of that and the security of a family. You just say the word and I’ll give him the same things. Young John likes me. I think he would accept me as his father. He’s certainly seen more of me than he ever has of Jake.’